It’s A “Shore Thing” That I’m Caring Less…

Oh Jersey Shore, I once loved you but now I’m left feeling like one of your one night stands… alone and wondering why I ever went home with you.  So far this season has been all about Snooki pretending like she didn’t “hook up” with Mike “The Situation” while Mike uses the situation to desperately grab onto his last few minutes of our time!

Deena still struggles to fit in, and wonders how much longer it will take before she finds a man.  I just know her inner monolog is, “I’m short, kinda fat, and let’s face it not that pretty when picking garbage out of my hair… but neither was Snooki who pisses herself and she got a man”.  Followed by, “Screw it, let’s get wasted”.  Deena does have a point though, it only took Snooki two seasons to lure a money hungry, controlling, fame-whore, juice head so tick tock Deena… tick tock.

Vinny decides that he can’t the pressure of making a million dollars an episode to do nothing… well not nothing.  I guess drinking, clubbing, tanning and avoiding the gym is something.  So, he leaves for a few days and then is forced back by a hijack lead by his DTF, DL, BF, Pauly D. 

This season MTV has FINALLY realized that we are sick of watching Ronnie and Sam’s “on again/off again/abusive” relationship.  So they only pop long enough for Sammi to make her constipated face while whining and Ronnie to make his “Ron-Ron Juice” which is just regular juice… but nobody has the heart to tell him.

Meanwhile Pauly continues to do nothing except wait around for his spin off show to start and lust after Vinny.  To be fair though, it does take him six hours to do his hair.  Now, you may have the wrong idea here, and think that I’m saying Pauly and Vinny are secret lovers.   I 100% am not saying that at all, I’m just saying they totally are.

Last is Jenni, who looks like a reconstructed Barbie doll meets bride of Frankenstein.  Seriously Jenni, please stop getting plastic surgery!  You look horrible.  Your story line this season has been all about Roger avoiding you… but the truth is he isn’t!  He just hasn’t seen you in three surgeries and has no idea what your newest face looks like!

That said, last week was more of the same from the shore.  Vinny and his lover were reunited, Deena got wasted, and Ronnie and Sam existed.  The only mildly interesting part was when production convinced Mike that being nice doesn’t make for good TV.  So after some twisted logic, that still makes no sense to me he decides that this week he is going to confront Jionni!  Which I’m sure will end also end with Mike beating himself up again.

So in conclusion I can really say is why.  Not, “why” but “Y”.  For the love of God people, what is with all the “I’s” at the end of your names instead of “Y’s”.  Typing this is a nightmare on my spell checker.  Apparently only Vinny likes to spell his name correctly with a “y” as grammar intended it.  


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